Constitution and Marriage

June, 1996  

Light and Salt

Dr. Dowon Kuon

We do not know much about the wise wives of great men, but we do hear about the bad ones. Socrates, Tolstoy, Lincoln, and Wesley were all known to have had wicked wives. Some people believe that Confucius remained unmarried because he never talked about his wife in any of his writings. However, because he mentioned his children in his writings, he might have had a wife, but who he did not wish to mention. But we should not blame only women for being a bad wife. Even a woman who was modest and wonderful before marriage may become to be considered a “bad wife,” if she does not go along with her husband, inviting others’ criticism.
 
In fact, discord in a couple is not necessarily attributed to the fault of either party. Rather, it is derived from the adverse wind blowing between the two. In the case of some great men, it is these adverse winds, and not the wicked wives of these men, that motivated them to attain a high standard of humanity, high thoughts, and high philosophies. Ordinary people are frustrated by these adverse winds, whereas great men advance past their marital misfortune to attain a higher dimension of life through intellectual cogitation and inquiry.
 
Marriage, as a union between two parties, cannot be terminated by a merely one-sided or others’ decision. Marriage can be compared to a voyage; you can never know what will happen in the course of the voyage until you embark on it. If you meet favorable wind, the sailing will be smooth; if you meet an adverse wind, you still have to find a way to go on in the teeth of the wind. When you sail against the adverse wind, you may be able to discover more buried treasures than those who sail with the favorable wind. In the following sections, we will see from the constitutional point of view how one can find the favorable wind, and also how we can sail on against the adverse wind in order to safely arrive at the destination.
 

'A Good Match' Is a Constitutional Match
 
A union of a man and a woman may be likened to a car with two wheels.  Marriage is a necessary condition for people to go on in the voyage of their life without being stumbled or falling off. Unmarried people are like a cart that has only one wheel; thus, they are potentially unstable if there is no other support to hold them up. Therefore, men should get married and, once married, they should continue on this voyage of marriage.
 
People should have successful marriages. What does it mean to be successful in marriage? To have a successful marriage life does not mean that one should meet someone who has wealth, a good reputation, knowledge, or power; it means that he should meet the right person, that is, the one with the compatible body constitution with his own. From the point of view of constitutional medicine, the best match is between two individuals whose arrangements of internal organs, in terms of relative strength and weakness, are opposite from each other’s. The more opposite their constitutions are, the better. Therefore, the best match is the meeting of the two completely opposite constitutions.
 
When I meet the right person, the vitality and strength of my spouse’s strong organs will serve to enhance the function of my weak organs. At the same time, my spouse’s weak organs will counterbalance the overactive function of my strong organs. For instance, my spouse's strong stomach will strengthen my weak stomach, while my spouse's weak kidneys will be supplemented by my strong kidneys, causing my kidneys to become more relaxed. When the internal organs of both spouses are thus in a state of mutual and beneficial counterbalance, the couple will experience delight, hope, and happiness in all matters. Each spouse will be blind to the other spouse’s shortcomings and will not be attracted to persons other than their own spouse. In their family, many matters will work out; there will be no complaints, and the whole family will generally be at peace all the time, mutually respecting one another. Children who resemble their mother will respect their father, and the ones who resemble their father will respect their mother. Since they are fully satisfied with their life, the couple will be inseparable, and absence from each other can be more difficult than death.
 
What then are the best matches for each body constitution? The best match for a pancreotonia individual is a renotonia individual, whose organ structure is exactly opposite from that of pancreotonia individuals; the second best match is a colonotonia individual, and third best would be a hepatonia individual. For a gastrotonia individual, someone with the vesicotonia constitution is most ideal, and thereafter, hepatonia and renotonia respectively. For the pulmotonia constitution, the hepatonia constitution is the best match, followed by vesicotonia then renotonia. The colonotonia constitution benefits most from the cholecystonia constitution, which is characterized by the shortest colon among all eight constitutions, followed by the pancreotonia then gastrotonia. Though it is beneficial for two spouses to have compatible body constitutions, there is no need for an individual to be disappointed if he did not marry a person whose constitution is the best match for his or her own.
 
The above matches merely show people's ideal marriage partner, in whom there is nothing left to be desired. They match so well that they work well together and enjoy each other’s company. If one spouse were seeking adivce, the opinion of the other spouse would override all advice from others, and they would find that the result of the spouse is surprisingly great. They even seem somewhat egotistical to others, because it seems that they think that nothing is more ideal than their marriage relationship. As a result, it is difficult for such couples to contribute much to social development or to the pursuit of humanitarian ideals. They remain satisfied with their present condition of life. However, because these couples are inclined to indulge in sensual pleasure, they also age easily. Therefore, they should exercise restraint in their sexual relationship.
 
On the contrary, for an individual to marry a person whose body constitution is disagreeable to his or her own is something sovereignly given from heaven for the sake of society and history. Such a union is always accompanied by adverse winds. If one spouse becomes afraid of the adverse wind and indulges in improper sexual relationships, such as homosexuality, confusion will be brought into children, families, and even to societies as a whole. In a positive sense, these adverse winds motivate individuals to desire a higher vision of life by applying wisdom and to meet the challenge for achieving new attainments. This can lead to the further development of humanity, to self-sacrifice, and genuine happiness. Hence, whenever a big change is needed in human history, it renders the chosen ones an adverse wind instead of favorable one. The wisdom gained through hardship brings them to taste a higher level of happiness and enables them to carry out their mission. Eventually, they will realize that although the winds were against them, it actually helped them to accelerate and to advance. While they were striving to sail against the adverse winds, they were not distracted by things on the side, but could focus on a greater goal before them. After the voyage, they will be cheering and shouting for joy. They will have joy, happiness, and thanksgiving.
 

Benefiting From a Proper Separation
 
However, if the speed of voyage is accelerated too much, it is beneficial for a couple to take a vacation from each other. In such times, it is helpful to have a brief separation. Alternatively, to stop their boat and rest is another way to go along with the adverse wind. In this case, they may be together or apart during this time, although being apart may be more beneficial. When either one is able to go a place to rest, they are able to relax, be calmed down, and consequently be filled with more affection toward each other. During their time, they can reflect on their past experiences, spend more time to understand their spouse, and be recharged, so that they will be excited to see each other again when the voyage resumes.
 
Why is it so important for them to take a vacation? It is because these couples have the exact same array of organs constitutionally that when they are together, their strong organs become too strong and the weak organs get too weak, causing an unfavorable wind to arise. However, if they steer in the right way, the wind becomes a great accelerating power to lead them on and at the same time makes them great sailors.
 
Therefore, they cannot take a vacation as other do. For them, the way to have a vacation should be as I have explained above, and the way of living should be the way that 'the most progressive people' might live, which may seem like 'the living of an estranged couple'. They are obviously a couple, but they should never mix their saliva. They will never see the effect of living like this without the real experience. Then they can make a great voyage that other couples do not even imagine, and heaven will be their helper. However, if they give up on the voyage just because it is too hard to maintain, they will see a miserable result, drifting in a shipwreck, and their children will end up being drowned in the sea of crime.

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